Don’t we all need a little validation, just to know that we make a difference in someone’s lives?

Confession – I’ve been married for years. Valentine’s Day was never a big deal for my husband, who just isn’t a gift-giver. It’s OK – he makes up for it in so many other ways, I don’t mind (most days). He validates me with his words and actions every day. I hope I do the same for him.

I’ve never been a woman who needs a lot of approval from those around me. In fact, I think most of my friends would say that I don’t handle compliments that well. But I do need to see little signs that what I’m doing is worthwhile.  I once heard a wonderful Ted Talk about carrying imaginary little silver boxes to hand out to people who make a difference in your day. So I try to do that – thank people who are helpful, share a laugh or a smile with someone giving special effort in their job, etc. It brightens my day to give out these little boxes. I hope they see it in some small way as a validation.

Since launching our new app, Tykester, I spend a good amount of my day looking for validation. Trying to find out IF people are using it. And WHY they are using it (or why NOT?). I can see visible proof that thousands of people are using it. But we see very little feedback on what their experience is, unless, of course, they are having a problem (spotty WIFI providers, you are my enemies!!!).

I didn’t go into this endeavor trying to be an app developer. My partners and I went into this project thinking “maybe we can help ease a new mom’s pain of being away from their brand new baby when they go back to work.” That is all. We didn’t know exactly how to fix the problem, we just knew we wanted to help – and specifically, we wanted to help our partner, Megan, see updates from her nanny for her baby boy, Ben.

We started with a purpose and let that purpose lead us to the answer. It was a loooong road, just in case you’re wondering if launching an app is a simple and speedy process. Validation came in only tiny little spurts. It was a lot like trying to save money by collecting pennies – it isn’t obvious you’re making any headway until you’ve got a full spare coin jar in front of you.

So it is so nice to find these little tidbits on my Twitter feed - or in my email inbox - that tell me, yes, someone IS using the app, and they love it! I get them from unexpected sources, like a brand new day care center in a small town trying to upgrade their daily communication, a summer day camp looking to stay in touch with parents, or a teen saving for college by babysitting who wants to use the app as a competitive advantage. These are my Tykester moments.

I will gladly take these as my validation – my little silver boxes that prove we did it. We are making a difference in people’s lives.

Happy Valentine’s Day to me!

I don’t know what it is about fall that makes me crave apples and cinnamon. Maybe it is those huge Honey Crisp apples that I see in the grocery store this time of year. I can’t resist picking up a few, even though they are too big for one just person to eat.

Halloween brought cool weather to us, and I have a rare weekend off (okay, maybe I worked a little this morning, but I’m free tonight!) so this seems like a great time to use the oven. I only spent 20 minutes on Pinterest picking out a recipe - yay, me. Usually, I end up spending an hour and pinning 25 things before I remember what I was searching for.

Martha Stewart said the prep time for this Apple Cranberry Crunch was 10 minutes.

I fired up the oven, picked up a little paring knife and grabbed an apple the size of a small melon.

I used to watch my grandmother peel apples, pears, turnips – she made it look so easy. She could start to peel at the top of the fruit and would have a perfect peel spiral a few seconds later. Her knife was so old and sharp that it had a crescent groove in the middle from decades of peeling. She wielded that knife better than a ninja – I always cringed to see her deftly slicing toward her thumb or palm. I never did gain that confidence with a knife.

So I started to peel, and quickly decided my serrated edge potato peeler would be quicker (it was). I chopped, and chopped…and chopped. Those apples are big, I tell you. 

I added in the cranberries (full disclosure, it was a can of cranberries, not the fresh ones) added sugar, and then went a little rogue with the recipe and added cinnamon and a touch of vanilla, which was right there on the shelf next to the cinnamon and because…vanilla.

I was 15 minutes in and Martha was wrong. I dumped the flour, brown sugar and salt into a bowl, opened the oats and got a little liberal with them. You have to buy a big can of oats, and we just don’t eat many recipes that call for them. My dog, Zip, was batting cleanup in front of the sink and helped me with the flyaways. I reached for the stick of butter, which I had set out to soften before I started. Granite countertops hold the cold pretty well, don’t they? I nuked the butter in the microwave for a few seconds to help it along.

This is where it gets messy. 

You have to cut the butter into the oat/flour mixture. It takes time. It takes patience. And it takes tolerance for "gooey" - really get your hands into the mix and make it crumbly. I’ve never been that good at dough and this was no different. But eventually the crumb mixture was “no bigger than peas” as Martha suggested. Prep time – 35 minutes. I popped the pan into the oven and Zip helped me tidy up the mess.

Martha was spot on about the 45 minute bake time. Delicious. Very sweet, a little tart, and I think the vanilla made a good addition to the recipe. Your results may vary!




Baked Bucatini Casserole

Heat oven to 350 degrees
Heat olive oil in a large skillet
Add garlic, sauté finely chopped onion, green bell pepper and red bell pepper

I’m kidding here – I just added a bag of onion/pepper mix from my freezer.
Add one package of sweet Italian sausage

Make homemade Italian meatballs by hand (kidding again, I threw in a handful of the frozen ones, also from my freezer stash)

After meat browns, add fresh tomatoes, basil, oregano, salt and pepper (or not – you can also use a large can of Hunt’s Garlic and Herb Pasta Sauce). Throw away can lid. 
Bring to a bubble, then simmer while pasta cooks.

Fill a large pot with water, add a little salt and bring to a boil. Go to cabinet to get box of Bucatini. Toss out almost empty box of Bucatini.

Baked FettuccineCasserole
Follow instructions above.

When water boils, add a package of Fettuccine (make that half a package since the Hubby just called to say he wasn’t coming home until late)

Turn off heat under tomato and meat mixture, grab container of cream cheese and a large spoon.

Run to check the Tykester email when your computer chimes, then spend two minutes seeing if anyone retweeted your last tweet.

Pick up container of cream cheese, dump into tomato and meat mixture. Stir.
Comment on how creamy the mixture is.

Re-check recipe. Discover you cannot remove ¾ cup of cream cheese from mixture.

CREAMY BAKED FETTUCCINE CASSEROLE

Follow directions above.
Drain cooked fettuccine, add to cheese, tomato and meat mixture. Stir well.

Pour into a casserole dish and decide that – what the hell, you’ve already blown the fat content, so cover the whole dang dish with mozzarella cheese and throw it in the oven. 

Get out salad ingredients. Check Facebook on computer (conveniently left on kitchen counter)

After 20 minutes, decide to forgo the salad (since this dinner has no chance of being healthy anyway).

Take casserole out of oven, let sit for ten minutes while you double check that husband is not coming home for dinner and recheck your Twitter feed.

Best eaten right out of the dish, using the serving spoon, accompanied by a large glass of wine.

Makes one serving. 

LESSONS I LEARNED FROM WATCHING FROZEN

During a visit to Disney’s Hollywood Studio this past summer, we took part in one of the Disney Animation Studio classes. I had no idea who the character was that we drew – it was just some snowman named Olaf. 

Last night, there was absolutely nothing on TV we wanted to watch. So I flipped through the channels and we ended up watching the special on the making of Disney’s Frozen.

We were so intrigued by that special, we then went right over to one of the premium channels and watched the movie.

I love knowing the backstory on movies – it makes it more compelling to watch when you know who wrote the story, and why. If you haven’t seen the special, I’ll clue you in – Frozen was supposed to be Disney’s The Snow Queen, but the studio didn’t want it to be just another “Princess battles the wicked queen and is saved by the Prince” story. The final storyline in Frozen evolved due to several factors, but most importantly by the music that was written, and the actors who voiced the part.

And that brings me to Lessons I Learned From Watching Frozen

1)  You can’t write how your own story ends.
People you love, events you live through and even the music you choose will change the plans you have for your life, no matter how hard you try to stick to one path. They will change you.

2)  There will be doors you can’t open. 
This movie made me cry, but probably not where you’d expect. I found myself welling up at the image of a little girl, sitting outside her sister’s door, whispering “Do you want to build a snowman”? That one got me where it hurts. It made me remember all the times I wanted so badly to be close to my sister, but we just don’t have that kind of relationship. I mourn never getting to whisper and giggle with her as kids, or swap secrets over a glass of wine as adults. How we missed that connection, I don’t really know. Sometimes, I have to question which side of the door I was on – was I whispering through the door, or standing on the other side, listening?

3)  Sometimes, you just need to be your own hero.
I’m glad Anna didn’t need a prince’s kiss to heal her frozen heart. She healed it herself. I’m still learning how to do that. It may take more time.

And, you knew it was coming…

4)  Let It Go.
Those gloves on Elsa’s hands - masking her power - spoke volumes to me. How many of us are holding back our talents because they don’t fit into a traditional mold? Do you downplay your own strengths? Why are you holding back? Let ‘er rip.

 

I’ve been worrying a lot about failure and people’s opinion lately. I think we all do it when faced with a daunting challenge. The prospect of failing is pretty gut wrenching. It will make you hesitate. And then the hesitation will make you second-guess your strengths.

I’ve had some disappointments lately. It all comes from trying to grow, however.

It has been too long since I was a toddler learning to walk. I have forgotten how to fall down. More importantly, I’ve forgotten how to get right back up. That is the important thing, right? Not that you fell, but that you bounced right back up and took the next step. So I can learn a thing or two by watching a baby take those first steps.

What does a baby know when he steps out those first few times? He knows he wants to get from point A to point B, and those two little feet can take him there quicker than crawling.

He doesn’t know the coffee table might block his path. He doesn’t know that the cat might trip him up. Or that his big brother might reach out a hand and knock him backwards onto his little Huggies. Nope, the prospect of getting across the room to reach those Lego blocks is all the incentive he needs to set out.

So I need to focus on getting to the gold ring across the room, too, and to stop worrying about bumping my head on the coffee table, or landing on my Huggies. No one said my journey was going to be bruise free anyway.

After I get across the room, I’m setting these two little feet on a path clear across the country. Hoping for the Today Show, but I’ll take the local morning show in McAllen if they ask. I’m going to reach out to the hotshot president and also email the assistant producer, too. Baby steps might just turn into giant leaps, after all. I’ll never know unless I pull up, and start walking.

@Tpennington123
@TykesterApp
TykesterApp on Facebook

I took a hot bath today.

Maybe that doesn’t seem newsworthy to you. It really shouldn’t be, I guess. But the fact that I took that bath at 3:45pm, in the middle of a workday, was big news to me.

I work at home.

That statement still seems unreal. For almost all of my adult life, I have worked in an office. The past 16 years haven’t been exactly all 9 to 5, since travel was a major part of my career, but I still left my house to go to work every day. Until this year.

After two years of weaving the development of our new app, Tykester, into my daily business duties, I got sent home to work on it full time. Wow.  Instant culture shock.

I think back to all those early mornings when I was stuck in traffic, or hustling to the airport, and I would daydream about working at home. I had it all planned out. I’d have a leisurely cup of coffee while checking my email. Do networking luncheons, living room yoga sessions, enjoy a power walk around the block during conference calls. And then cook dinner each night before 7pm. I was going to have that wonderful thing everyone calls work-life balance.

Yeah, right.

Instead of perfecting my balance routine, I actually seem to be drifting more off-center. I check my email before I get out of bed. I answer the phone at 6:45 am, and return emails at 11pm. I feel guilty about taking 15 minutes for lunch, or folding laundry during the day. My car sits in the garage for days – seriously, I haven’t driven 20 miles in two weeks. There is no starting time, or quitting time. My working hours are my awake hours, period. Often, I’m discouraged to find my to-do list is longer at 7pm than it was at 9am.

My family tries to be supportive, even as they suffer through the neglect. They’ve gotten used to me working weekends, nights and pretty much during any and all conversations. I used to have a beloved dog that followed me from room to room, but now this laptop is my constant companion, along with my phone.  The email chime makes me sprint. The calendar “ding” supersedes dinner, snuggle time, and phone calls with my mom. I still cook dinner later than desired, or more often, not at all. Good grief, I’m a fairly intelligent, sensible, strong woman – can’t I figure this stuff out?

Okay, there’s plenty of good stuff, too. I have to admit it.

I can keep the A/C on 75 or 60, depending on my mood. No one cares if I wear a ratty fleece jacket when I get cold.  Our WiFi works on the back porch, so I can get a little Vitamin D while I check our website page views. I only have to “fix” my hair on days I have a Google Chat, or travel. I can balance on a yoga brick at the kitchen counter while I fill out my budget spreadsheet. Absolutely no one borrows my stapler and I have three - count ‘em - three bathrooms to myself all day. Pretty sweet.

But I have to wrap this up, ‘cause I have work to do.

Not just on my to-do list, but lots of work on me and how to handle the lifestyle changes that have thankfully been handed to me. Work on a balance that is, if not comfortable, at least reasonable for me and my family.

Today, I took a hot bath during the middle of the day when I needed a stress break, which is a step in the right direction. 

How did that make you feel?

I worry a lot about my appearance. I’m just at that age. I see every line, every change. Of course, I’m looking for those things when I glance in the mirror. But do others see it?  Probably not.

One of my favorite quotes these days is from Maya Angelou:

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

I’m trying to remember these words as I critique myself on my first TV interview for our new app, Tykester.  We just got featured on USAToday Tech Talk.
ttp://www.usatoday.com/videos/tech/2014/07/21/12978781/

What Don’t You Know?

We have a pinwheel as our logo at Tykester.com. It is a cheerful symbol – a bit whimsical. Makes me happy to look at it, since it conjures up playful and simpler times.

Some days, my life seems to be blowing by like the blades of a pinwheel. Faster, faster, faster – and I have the feeling I’m not keeping up.

Remember when you thought you knew it all? I swear there was a time when I was convinced you couldn’t teach me anything new.

I talk to moms everyday who feel the same way. When they were expecting their first child, they had everything planned out perfectly. What diapers they would use. What their baby would eat. Exactly how they would handle teething. They tell me that with a little nod and a sad smile, remembering how it was before life showed us that we don’t know much. It is a bit easier to be confident about the future when you are just starting out, whether it is with a career, a family, or a just a five year plan.

Then things get serious.

Balancing on that thin tightrope of work/family/health becomes a 24 hour pursuit. You lose track of who ate the peas, and who ate the cookie. Technology takes off like a rocket and you struggle to keep up. Your job gets incredibly complicated as a result and that four year old can now run circles around you when it comes to learning how to use a new app.

How is it that I am no longer the expert on anything at my house? Does anyone else consider hiding the phone charger and changing the alarm code, just so you can know something everyone else in the family doesn’t? No one is impressed anymore if I can guess all the puzzles on Wheel of Fortune TV Show, since they would rather play that game through the app on their phone.

So I don’t know much these days, except the fact that I don’t know much.
Once I accepted that fact, I was able to breathe normally again, and focus on “what can I learn today?”

It has been awhile since I was the student and not the teacher. Maybe the hardest lesson to learn is, that if I don’t know how to do something, I can call (or google, or text, or tweet) for someone to help me, because there is abundance of knowledge out there to be shared.

I don’t want to stop the pinwheel, but I can be in control of how fast I let it spin. It turns out that I’m the one blowing on it. That much, I know.

I struggled through today. It wasn’t a horrible day by any standard, just a day full of small stumbling blocks. A seemingly never ending task list. A lingering sadness from recently losing my precious little dog, Buddy.

We’ve all had those days. I just wanted to get finished with the day, shed the work clothes, and get into something comfortable.

I’m not ashamed to tell you I have a closet full of clothes. I’m not a fashionista by any means- I guess I just hold onto things until they are well past their expiration date. Way in the back of the closet, I swear there is a pair of boots from my college years (does leather really ever go out of style)? I have sweatshirts and yoga pants piled on the top shelf like I work out on a regular basis (yeah, right). Hiding at the bottom of that pile of faded cotton and stretched-out lycra. I found the comfort I was looking for today.

It’s just an old aqua fleece jacket. These days, I guess the color is closer to ice blue than aqua, since I usually throw it in the washer with the towels. The zipper is hard to pull and the elbows are covered in little pills. The pockets are full of either dryer lint or kleenex, depending on how long it has been since wash day. You can’t call it my most flattering color, but it goes really well with black yoga pants or faded jeans. And pulling on that jacket gives me a sense of comfort that is hard to explain.

Me and that jacket – we’ve gone places. But I don’t pack it in my suitcase that often. In fact, it never goes on my business trips. Maybe that is why it feels special to put it on – it has that “vacation vibe” to it. Got anything in your wardrobe that does that for you?

Yep, I have photos to back that vibe up. There’s me, (in aqua and no makeup) on top of a volcano in Hawaii. Lounging on a deck chair during a cruise. Waiting on a puddle jumper at Belize City Airport to whisk us off to Ambergris Caye. It also makes an appearance in most of my Facebook pics of family weekends or holiday sleepovers. My favorite is the one of me, my sister and our mom in the kitchen one Christmas, gathered round a dish of brussel sprouts. If we snapped a few selfies on the couch watching football on Sunday afternoon, chances are my back is covered in fuzzy, faded fleece. I even have one of me and my little Buddy, huddled together during a recent thunderstorm. He took the selfie with his paw, while trying to climb in my lap.

I’ve considered putting that jacket in the Goodwill pile, but something tells me we have a few good years left together. I want to go on more trips. I hope to do more family holiday sleepovers. And I plan to have many more lazy weekends where a soft little jacket is the required dress code. I look forward to those comfortable times.

What gives you comfort? I know one little girl who likes to take comfort from a snuggie bear. 

Some of us are lucky enough to remember a strong connection with our Daddy. Being lifted up in his arms to reach the top of the Christmas tree. Sitting on his shoulders to see above the crowd. Handing him a broken toy and getting it back within a few minutes, fixed and as good as new.

But when it comes to emotional connections, Dads sometimes get overlooked. Maybe we want to think of them as the strong, silent types. Maybe we think they aren’t as attached to that sweet bundle of joy since they didn’t have to carry them around for nine months. But I’ve seen some Dads tear up when it comes time to wave bye-bye. I’ve seen Dads pull out a smartphone full of baby pics just to get a “fix” during the day. I’ve even heard an occasional “is his poopie still runny today?” whispered furtively from the back of a cab. Dads care about the little things, too.

I know a bunch of Dads who look tough on the outside, but inside, they are just old softies (remember that term)? They miss their babies, just like Mom. They miss their babies when they go to school. They miss their babies when they go to college. And Daddies still miss their babies when they are grown and have kids of their own. Dads will always be Daddies, even if they also have the title of Granddad, Papa, Poppy, GeePa, Pappy, or, in one unfortunate case I know, Peacock.

Happy Fathers Day to the Daddies of the world. I love my Daddy!
@tpennington123
@tykesterapp
www.tykester.com