I took a hot bath today.

Maybe that doesn’t seem newsworthy to you. It really shouldn’t be, I guess. But the fact that I took that bath at 3:45pm, in the middle of a workday, was big news to me.

I work at home.

That statement still seems unreal. For almost all of my adult life, I have worked in an office. The past 16 years haven’t been exactly all 9 to 5, since travel was a major part of my career, but I still left my house to go to work every day. Until this year.

After two years of weaving the development of our new app, Tykester, into my daily business duties, I got sent home to work on it full time. Wow.  Instant culture shock.

I think back to all those early mornings when I was stuck in traffic, or hustling to the airport, and I would daydream about working at home. I had it all planned out. I’d have a leisurely cup of coffee while checking my email. Do networking luncheons, living room yoga sessions, enjoy a power walk around the block during conference calls. And then cook dinner each night before 7pm. I was going to have that wonderful thing everyone calls work-life balance.

Yeah, right.

Instead of perfecting my balance routine, I actually seem to be drifting more off-center. I check my email before I get out of bed. I answer the phone at 6:45 am, and return emails at 11pm. I feel guilty about taking 15 minutes for lunch, or folding laundry during the day. My car sits in the garage for days – seriously, I haven’t driven 20 miles in two weeks. There is no starting time, or quitting time. My working hours are my awake hours, period. Often, I’m discouraged to find my to-do list is longer at 7pm than it was at 9am.

My family tries to be supportive, even as they suffer through the neglect. They’ve gotten used to me working weekends, nights and pretty much during any and all conversations. I used to have a beloved dog that followed me from room to room, but now this laptop is my constant companion, along with my phone.  The email chime makes me sprint. The calendar “ding” supersedes dinner, snuggle time, and phone calls with my mom. I still cook dinner later than desired, or more often, not at all. Good grief, I’m a fairly intelligent, sensible, strong woman – can’t I figure this stuff out?

Okay, there’s plenty of good stuff, too. I have to admit it.

I can keep the A/C on 75 or 60, depending on my mood. No one cares if I wear a ratty fleece jacket when I get cold.  Our WiFi works on the back porch, so I can get a little Vitamin D while I check our website page views. I only have to “fix” my hair on days I have a Google Chat, or travel. I can balance on a yoga brick at the kitchen counter while I fill out my budget spreadsheet. Absolutely no one borrows my stapler and I have three - count ‘em - three bathrooms to myself all day. Pretty sweet.

But I have to wrap this up, ‘cause I have work to do.

Not just on my to-do list, but lots of work on me and how to handle the lifestyle changes that have thankfully been handed to me. Work on a balance that is, if not comfortable, at least reasonable for me and my family.

Today, I took a hot bath during the middle of the day when I needed a stress break, which is a step in the right direction. 

What Don’t You Know?

We have a pinwheel as our logo at Tykester.com. It is a cheerful symbol – a bit whimsical. Makes me happy to look at it, since it conjures up playful and simpler times.

Some days, my life seems to be blowing by like the blades of a pinwheel. Faster, faster, faster – and I have the feeling I’m not keeping up.

Remember when you thought you knew it all? I swear there was a time when I was convinced you couldn’t teach me anything new.

I talk to moms everyday who feel the same way. When they were expecting their first child, they had everything planned out perfectly. What diapers they would use. What their baby would eat. Exactly how they would handle teething. They tell me that with a little nod and a sad smile, remembering how it was before life showed us that we don’t know much. It is a bit easier to be confident about the future when you are just starting out, whether it is with a career, a family, or a just a five year plan.

Then things get serious.

Balancing on that thin tightrope of work/family/health becomes a 24 hour pursuit. You lose track of who ate the peas, and who ate the cookie. Technology takes off like a rocket and you struggle to keep up. Your job gets incredibly complicated as a result and that four year old can now run circles around you when it comes to learning how to use a new app.

How is it that I am no longer the expert on anything at my house? Does anyone else consider hiding the phone charger and changing the alarm code, just so you can know something everyone else in the family doesn’t? No one is impressed anymore if I can guess all the puzzles on Wheel of Fortune TV Show, since they would rather play that game through the app on their phone.

So I don’t know much these days, except the fact that I don’t know much.
Once I accepted that fact, I was able to breathe normally again, and focus on “what can I learn today?”

It has been awhile since I was the student and not the teacher. Maybe the hardest lesson to learn is, that if I don’t know how to do something, I can call (or google, or text, or tweet) for someone to help me, because there is abundance of knowledge out there to be shared.

I don’t want to stop the pinwheel, but I can be in control of how fast I let it spin. It turns out that I’m the one blowing on it. That much, I know.

Some of us are lucky enough to remember a strong connection with our Daddy. Being lifted up in his arms to reach the top of the Christmas tree. Sitting on his shoulders to see above the crowd. Handing him a broken toy and getting it back within a few minutes, fixed and as good as new.

But when it comes to emotional connections, Dads sometimes get overlooked. Maybe we want to think of them as the strong, silent types. Maybe we think they aren’t as attached to that sweet bundle of joy since they didn’t have to carry them around for nine months. But I’ve seen some Dads tear up when it comes time to wave bye-bye. I’ve seen Dads pull out a smartphone full of baby pics just to get a “fix” during the day. I’ve even heard an occasional “is his poopie still runny today?” whispered furtively from the back of a cab. Dads care about the little things, too.

I know a bunch of Dads who look tough on the outside, but inside, they are just old softies (remember that term)? They miss their babies, just like Mom. They miss their babies when they go to school. They miss their babies when they go to college. And Daddies still miss their babies when they are grown and have kids of their own. Dads will always be Daddies, even if they also have the title of Granddad, Papa, Poppy, GeePa, Pappy, or, in one unfortunate case I know, Peacock.

Happy Fathers Day to the Daddies of the world. I love my Daddy!
@tpennington123
@tykesterapp
www.tykester.com