TAMTALKS

Navigating through this midlife journey and trying to retain my sense of humor.

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Life Hacks I’ve Learned During “Summer of Cast”

6/24/2015

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I'm trying to stay sane and not go crazy bats%$t around here while I'm on the mend. I think I'm getting on my family's nerves. Heck, I'm getting on my own nerves by the end of each day. At least I'm finding out a few little tricks to make tasks at home a little easier. 


1) Keep a small container of dry dog food near your laptop to use as a bribe to keep your dogs entertained and quiet during impromptu conference calls. Don’t mistake this for your cup of granola.

2) Small plastic bags come in handy. Tie one around one crutch to carry small things, or place them around the house (tied onto drawer pulls) to use as trash cans or stash bags to help you remember what to take upstairs. Rethink how you use the term “Bag Lady” from now on.

3) Clip your crutches together when you aren’t using them. Those rock climbing carabiner clips work nicely (doesn't everyone have one?) Crutches just can’t be lazily leaned against countertops, tables or walls. They will slide sideways, and they always slide away from you -  especially when you are precariously balanced on one foot (and up on your toes on that foot) trying to reach the clean coffee cups. Why can’t they develop a gyro-balanced crutch that helps you balance and won’t fall over when you drop it or stand it in a corner? Segway crutches. Seems like insurance should even pay for it if they approve those scooters (no, I haven’t gone there yet).

4) Set up camp in a few areas of your house. I can just handle getting me and my daily totebag of “stuff” up and down stairs maybe twice a day. I only visit my home office (upstairs) when I have an important conference call, so I have taken over a few spaces downstairs. I now have a space at the kitchen counter with a high stool and everything I need for morning coffee within arm’s reach. Each night, I place my laptop and charger on the counter so I can work during the hour it takes me to get coffee, breakfast and a grip on another day of cast-dom. I can do a quick switch of most of my items to the dining room table – all while balanced on one foot, hanging on to a chair. When my foot starts to go numb, I move to the living room couch where I can prop up my leg for a few hours. I have a charger, lap desk, pillows, water bottle, protein bars and hand lotion/lip balm all with reach of the couch.  No blanket is needed since I always have two dogs to use as foot warmers here. If I’m feeling really adventurous, I can dump my laptop, cords, phone, water and note pads in the tote bag, and move to the patio. This move takes 45 minutes and involves maneuvering crutches around a door, two rugs, two dogs and two patio chairs. All while trying to keep hold of the tote bag. I have to be pretty desperate for a change of scenery to psych myself up for this. Most days, I am.

5) Declare A House Rule: The person in the cast gets to rearrange the small appliances, the furniture and the items in the fridge. All other occupants in the house should heed this rule to avoid another trip to the ER.

6) Anytime you are in the vicinity of a bathroom, take advantage. Trips to the bathroom require thinking ahead. Don’t be surprised when you start paying rapt attention to the Poise Pad commercials you used to make fun of a short four weeks ago.

Counting down the days to my next x-ray on July 7.



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Drink Dilemma for today. Summer of Cast Saga

6/19/2015

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I’m thirsty.

And I’m expecting a phone call this afternoon that I can’t afford to miss, but my water bottle is empty.

Normally, that wouldn’t be an issue – five quick steps to something cold and refreshing.

1) Stand up from desk, stick phone in pocket.

2) Trot down steps, pass through living room and kitchen and grab a water from fridge

3) Reverse path.

Time elapsed: 45 seconds

HOWEVER, summer had other plans for me and now, I have to decide if a drink is worth it. The steps just to get a drink are a little bit different today.

1) Tuck phone inside bra (I know, I know, but I can’t afford it break it in my pocket)

2) Grab crutches, clear the path around my desk of dogs, tote bags and crumpled papers that I threw AT the trash but missed

3) Crutch over to the stool in the hall at the top of the stairs and sit.

4) Tie crutches together with a plastic sack (trust me, this little step is worth the effort, in case one or more crutch decides to make a break for freedom on these same stairs that landed me in Summer of Cast)

5) Ease down into steps, place crutches as far down on steps as I can reach

6) Bump down three or four steps at a time, on my butt, moving crutches as I go.

7) Untie crutches, use bannister as a chin up bar and stand up

8) Say “Squirrel!” loudly, to send the dogs outside so I can crutch over to the kitchen without them in my path

9) Slide up onto my tall stool that is situated between the sink and fridge

10) Grab a water from the fridge, place it in the plastic sack tied onto crutch

11) Crutch it back over to the stairs, reverse process with bag and crutches, this time using my arms to crab-crawl UP the stairs.

12) Use bannister to pull up to the stool – teetering over the brink of the stairs because my upstairs hall is teeny-tiny.

13) Crutch back over to the desk, retrieve phone and water, then return to work.

Time elapsed: 14 minutes.

At least the water is still somewhat cold. And I’m thankful my phone didn’t ring during the trip!

Oh great. Now I have to pee…


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Adapting My Expectations, The "Summer of Cast" Continues

6/12/2015

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Is life just a long series of adaptations?

It may be as simple as moving furniture around to accommodate a new path for crutches. It might be as hard as breaking an old habit of doing nothing before your coffee each morning. It could also involve letting go of your self-imposed restrictions - like getting fast food for dinner most nights during a difficult time.

If you are part of my family, the fix might also involve duct tape. 

It isn’t too hard to adapt your surroundings to fit your needs. It is a larger challenge to adapt the way you THINK about things when your life gets turned upside down.

I’ve had to scale back my expectations about what I can do during my severe lack of mobility. Humility isn’t my best feature, but I’m getting some good practice. I’ve become an official “bag lady” since I have to tie a plastic bag to my crutch to hold anything I want to transport like a water bottle or a snack. I’ve also become one of those women that stash things in my bra (I know, ew) because it’s there, it’s handy and it holds small things like my phone. I’ve accepted it as a viable resource right now because yoga pants and sundresses rarely have pockets and I can’t risk forgetting it in another room (or heaven forbid, on another floor).

I’ve surprised myself with becoming flexible on things that used to occupy me for hours – like housework, cooking, primping and clothes. Cleaning is nearly impossible except for the small area I can reach while I’m sitting down. Dust and dog hair will have to wait.  Fast food or delivery is not the “root of all evil” and one hearty meal a day tastes pretty darn good when the rest of your nutrition is coming from yogurt, protein bars and cereal. My husband, dogs, the orthopedic clinic staff and the few family and friends (the only ones who have seen me in the past few weeks) have not commented on my embarrassingly repetitive wardrobe.  

Multi-tasking  (one of my best talents) is also out. I moved to a walking boot this week with a strict rule that I CAN’T walk on it yet – not even put any weight on it. More comfortable? Yes! Being able to remove it and scratch/wash/shave my leg is nice, but some of that is canceled out by the fear of accidentally hitting it, falling on it or just forgetting not to put it down when I stand up. I have to concentrate on where I’m going and what my body is doing every minute I’m on those crutches. (You can read a previous blog entry to see what happens when I break this rule.)

Man, I really appreciate my left leg right now.  It turned out to be amazingly strong, even as it recovers from a bad sprain. Lefty may have been my weaker leg once upon a time, but when this “summer of cast” is over, I will be rockin’ that left leg chair pose with these new calf muscles. 

I’d like to say a big thank my husband who adapted my crutches to fit more comfortably with – you guessed it – duct tape. 



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Day Ten of "Summer of Cast"

6/6/2015

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Dear Diary,

Day ten of “summer of cast” started out poorly.

First of all, I turned off the alarm at 8:25am and rolled over for a few more zzzs because I slept fitfully last night with some leg pain. Wriggly and Zip decided to join me for a few minutes and took up their usual spots under my arm and behind my knee - which means I can’t turn over or get out of bed without persuading them to move. I finally pushed them out of the way and wiggled over to the side of the bed only to discover it was now 10:25am. Jeez.

I went through my routine of getting my good foot into a brace, and a walking shoe onto my cast, then got the crutches and eased up for the walk to the bathroom, which takes a few minutes as my body remembers how to deal with my cast, sore foot, crutches and bruised palms (from the crutches). Avoiding mirrors is best during this time. I rummaged through my three possible (and clean) wardrobe choices that will fit over my cast, then chose the easiest (closest) item – a sundress, and balanced on one foot while I pulled it over my head. This was complicated by stopping in the middle to also pull on a sports bra, which, I know, doesn’t exactly look great under the dress but does make me feel more “officially dressed” for the day. My “good” leg wobbled a little but didn’t let me down.

I crutched it over to the sink and did the usual morning routine – moisturizer, deodorant, toothpaste, then sat down on the stool to put in my contacts. My heart jumped a little when I half dropped the contact case and lost my right contact for a moment. I sat there, staring at the case, the vanity top, the washcloth near the sink – it had disappeared into thin air. I slowly examined everything again, and while turning over the case (which I was still holding), I found it – stuck to the bottom. Aha! I pinched it between my finger and thumb and reached for the bottle of solution. Apparently, this contact wasn’t satisfied with its unsuccessful attempt at freedom, so it flung itself in the air (I swear this happened). I actually sat there, staring at my finger for a minute, trying to make sense of what had just occurred. On an ordinary day, I would carefully get down on the floor and look for this little bit of what can only be described as wet saran wrap. This cast kinda (really) inhibits my mobility these days, so that option was out. I had to grab my glasses and just start scanning the floor, my lap, the stool, the cabinet – trying for a glimpse of any little drop. I resorted to just scraping my finger along the floor – and there it was, now sporting a few dog hairs but nevertheless good to go after a good rinse.

I grabbed my tote bag and loaded it up with items I thought I might need during the day. Getting up and down the stairs is not something you want to attempt often with this cast.  It involves bumping down stair by stair on my butt, with my crutches tied in a bundle next to me, pulling the tote bag. Not pretty – and best tackled alone, since the stairs are steep and narrow. Plus, these stairs are the “scene of the crime” that resulted in my journey through Summer of Cast, so I like to avoid them.

I had come up with the idea that washing my hair would be easier in the kitchen sink than trying to stand on one foot, blinded by shampoo, in the shower. I have a tall stool and a nozzle at that sink, so it seems logical (maybe I’m desperate after five days without a shampoo). Shampoo, conditioner, shine spray, the hair dryer, a turban, a towel, a brush all go into the tote bag. Now I had a ten pound tote bag tied to my left crutch and two dogs that are excited to finally go downstairs.  We all juggled for position at the top of the stairs – why is it that the same dogs that refuse to come when called also refuse to leave your side when you want them to? I tied my crutches together, lowered the tote bag down about three stairs, and start ed bumping my way to the bottom. Getting down takes some time since I have to stop every few stairs to reposition the crutches and the tote bag. Half way down, I realized I was getting quite a carpet burn on my butt (not typical) and it dawned on me that I had forgotten one important piece of my wardrobe for the day. I contemplated reversing course, but I was already starting to feel fatigue in my good leg. To complicate matters, my phone starts ringing, so I have to dig it out of my sports bra (the only place I could stash it).

“Hi Sugarpop, how is your day going?” My husband has started an endearing habit of calling to check up on me while I’m homebound. I hesitated to go over my entire morning thus far, so I just blurt it out…

“I’m halfway down the stairs, I need coffee, and I forgot to put on any panties!”

I’ve read all kinds of articles in Glamour and Cosmo about keeping the flame alive by sharing little intimate secrets with your husband, like picking an unexpected time to tell him you aren't wearing underwear.

This was not what they had it mind.

I heard the hesitation in my husband’s voice as he tried to digest the sentence he had just heard. To his credit, he recognized the frustration in my voice and just soldiered on. “Oh, no, honey. Do you really need them today? Are you going to be OK?”

Well, that deflated me in a hurry. I felt a little foolish letting a short but challenging journey get me so flustered. I held the phone out a second before telling him that yes, I was going to be fine today.

After we hung up, I gathered up my stuff and continued bumping down the stairs, making a mental note to stash some extra underwear in my tote bag for emergency use. At the bottom of the stairs, I paused a bit before untying my crutches and I stole a quick glance at the clock.

It was 11:40am. Dear Diary, day ten is halfway over.


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A Few Things I’ve Learned About Living With A Cast

6/4/2015

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Sometimes, a setback like this is best viewed with a sense of humor. In case you missed it, I took a tumble down some stairs that resulted in one broken ankle and one sprained one.

My minor issues are nothing compared to the hurdles some people scale every day, so I’m going to try to observe and learn all I can during my little respite. It’s only been nine days, but I have a few observations already.

1) You may as well leave your humility at the Orthopedic Clinic. You’ll need help getting through doors, getting into a car, or getting into the shower. Your spouse, friend or parent (maybe all three if they take turns) will be your personal “go-getter” and there is no way around it. As soon as you get propped up on the couch, you will find that whatever you need is in a different room, on a different floor, or still in the car.

2) Everything takes longer – much longer – than normal. Add 30 minutes on to your morning routine, longer if you have to negotiate stairs or deal with pets. If you are a multi-tasker, your life will be shattered. Making coffee is  suddenly a complicated process - resign yourself to drinking it while sitting right in front of the coffee maker. Crutches don’t come with cup holders.  Do you need to go to the potty? LEAVE RIGHT NOW. Choosing something to wear is a bit easier when your wardrobe is suddenly reduced to items that fit over the cast (in my case, three sundresses and two pair of yoga capri pants), but getting those items in the laundry is yet another task my poor overworked husband has to do.

3) You will be amazed how many times a day you hit your foot, toe or leg. I’m not even counting stubbing your toe, or kicking a chair leg. Dragging your foot on the carpet or accidentally kicking a pillow will still send shooting pains up your leg. The weight of the duvet will make your toes throb in the middle of the night, and then those same toes will freeze when you kick off the covers.

4) Keep a note pad handy. I’ve discovered six redecorating and cleaning tasks in my living room alone (I have some free time to spend staring at walls). You might want to keep a blog to record some thoughts because you’ll probably never have this much quality “alone” time again.

5) Four to six weeks is a daunting amount of home-bound down time to someone who is usually busy “doing”. I’m worried about my brain melting and my backside spreading. I’ve always hated daytime TV, but I’ve suddenly started to care about Hoda and Kathie Lee. I talk back to the newscasters, particularly the weatherman. And just how many episodes are there of “Say Yes To The Dress? I now have online classes scheduled and books to read, but Netflix is quickly becoming an obsession. On the upside, did you know there was a YouTube channel to help you exercise while wearing a cast?


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    Unabashed redhead learning how to reinvent herself to keep up in this world. How in the world did you find me here? As long as you dropped by, you might as well stay awhile.  

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